6 reasons why you hate your closet

a lil retail therapy sesh

Today, I’m left with no choice but to be the tough-love big sister of your email inbox. It’s time to lecture the masses (my 120 subscribers whom I love so much) about why you hate all your clothes and how that is a ginormous problem.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why so many women hate their closets and feel they have ‘nothing to wear.’ This disdain no doubt stems from a combination of things – the crushing pressure of American beauty standards and rampant consumerism fueled by the pseudo-religion that is TikTok and other associated internet forums.

Let’s forget those two things for one minute, though. What I’ve observed among my friends and any person who will engage with me on the topic of clothes and style, is that many women view getting dressed as a chore – a means to an end – an obstacle to an otherwise simple start to the day.

This makes me sad :( I understand, but I’m sad.

I’m sad because I experience getting dressed as an instant burst of inspiration at the beginning of my day. And a fun way to wind down at night. I literally fall asleep by planning my next day’s outfit. I stand in my closet to feel something, and I see my style as a direct extension of who I am as a person.

Getting dressed doesn’t have to be a profound experience, but at the very least, it should be a neutral ritual that you feel confident enough to complete without dread.

This newsletter is gonna break down six reasons why you hate your closet and hopefully offer some solutions to changing your relationship with getting dressed. It sounds sooooo cheesy but once you start viewing getting dressed as a tool for self love, your whole world changes for the better.

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#1 IT’S FILLED WITH OLD THINGS

Clothes follow us. They enter our lives and take on personalities of their own based on our unique life experiences – often emulating some of the most negative times in a person’s life. In many cases, they simply represent chapters of our book that are closed and serve no purpose to our today selves. I have good news, though! Clothes also absorb positive experiences, too. And once you know yourself, your clothes reflect that.

What I’m saying is that old clothes can carry emotional baggage and ultimately, clutter our minds. No one wants to stare into a packed closet full of wrinkled tshirts, ill-fitting college internship clothes and what feels like twenty ‘going out’ tops you bought when you were feeling your lowest. It’s depressing.

This feeling sets the tone for EVERYTHING when it comes to style. If you are overcome with negativity every time you get dressed, how can you expect to look AND feel good in what you’re wearing?

I’m here to tell you that owning tons of old clothes that you hate, makes it impossible to feel good.

THE REMEDY: After reading this newsletter in full (especially reasons #4 and #6), spend a dedicated weekend assessing your closet and getting rid of EVERYTHING that makes you feel bad emotionally or physically. No exceptions.

Make this task fun and something you can look forward to. Remember, this entire process is all about correcting your relationship with getting dressed. Invite your best friend over to help; buy a nice bottle of wine and get to work; remind yourself that this is a cleansing — a reset if you will.

#2 THE CLOTHES YOU OWN DON’T REFLECT YOUR LIFESTYLE

Many women aren’t buying clothes that actually suit their current way of living. They’re often making purchases that satisfy an unattainable, aspirational version of themselves. A lot of this is driven by social media and a feeling of inferiority. Instead of leaning into reality, my fellow gals are making purchases for the lifestyles of other people, leaving them with few options and an aching feeling of dissatisfaction.

Not being able to wear the patent red leather boots with a business casual ensemble is upsetting. I get it. It’s also a frustrating feeling, because you know you’ve spent money on clothes and shoes, but they never seem to ‘work.’ This dilemma becomes a regular occurrence, and before you know it, you hate your closet. And you hate getting dressed.

It doesn’t have to be this way!!

The reality is that you probably have a 9-5 and the rest of the time is spent at home, doing whatever activities you enjoy after 5 and on the weekends – with an occasional vacation sprinkled in. You should be making purchases based on that framework – not the fictional one where you’re out on the town every night, taking regular vacations to Majorca and modeling for Instagram as a sustainable form of income.

I know this realization can be hard. And not super fun to confront. BUT, your life is beautiful and real. And it deserves to be adorned with clothes that work for your schedule and make you feel good. PERIOD. Be proud of your life and invest in your own prosperity.

THE REMEDY: Assess who you are and what your lifestyle really is. Get a piece of paper and write down what your daily routine generally is for one full week. Next, write down a list of things you love (hobbies, movies, shows, people, food, colors, etc.).

Lastly, write down how you want to FEEL when you get dressed every day (confident, strong, comfortable, creative, happy, etc.).

Save that list and hold tight. You’re gonna need it for reason #6.

#3 A LACK OF QUALITY FABRICATIONS

This one is gonna be annoying, ok? Mostly because it seems like a lot to ask. But ya just gotta do it.

Isn’t a shirt a shirt? Aren’t shoes supposed to just look cute? Unfortunately, fashion is art, and art is complex.

The fabrication of a garment translates to every conceivable interpretation of its existence. Fabrication affects how a garment feels on the body; how it reads visually; and how it endures the test of time.

You’re going to have to trust me on this one, because there truly is a palpable difference between wearing, for example, an acrylic sweater from H&M and a cashmere sweater from literally anywhere (Banana Republic, Tibi, Ebay, even H&M sells cashmere sweaters). The cashmere is going to make you carry yourself differently in the best way.

Steer clear of synthetic blends as much as possible due to many of these being made from synthetic polymers, petroleum, plastics, and certain not-so-great chemicals. Production of these fabrications can also lead to all sorts of concerns when it comes to labor conditions and sustainability. Look for natural fibers instead!

These natural fibers *can* be more expensive, but not always.

Ultimately, investing in quality fabrications IS going to make you feel better, look better and sleep more soundly.

LOOK FOR: Natural fibers like cotton, denim, cashmere, silk, linen, wool

AVOID: Synthetic blends like acrylic, polyester (THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS), rayon

#4 YOU DON’T THINK ABOUT HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL IN YOUR CLOTHES

This one iterates much of what we’ve already gone over at this point, but I want to expand a bit. Every time I buy something or get dressed, I think about what I’m doing that day and how I want what I’m wearing to convey what I’m feeling. A big part of my personal approach to getting dressed involves wanting to feel strong and creative. My signature look is an oversized men’s button-up with some sort of interesting shoe. This combo helps me achieve how I want to feel all day in my clothes. The way I feel translates to how people perceive me. Being perceived correctly bodes well for strong relationships and suceeding at work ~

Without intentional thought, your clothes become strangers – things you don’t know or understand. Things that make you feel uneasy and unfamiliar. Clothes that don’t suit you lead to miscommunication.

Once you set the intention, your clothes will work for you instead of against you.

THE REMEDY: When deciding what to wear for the day, think about what’s on your schedule combined with how you’d like to feel as you tackle your to-dos. Do you have meetings? Are you running errands? Are you going out with friends? Do you want to feel chill, assertive, funny or relaxed? Each of these scenarios + feelings brings with them different contexts and lend to different forms of personal expression.

Once you land on an intention, choose garments and accessories that support that goal. I guarantee that this ritual will uplift your spirits and enrich your life – because when we know ourselves, everything falls into place. Goodness follows you.

#5 TREND OVERLOAD :(

Look, we all succumb to fashion trends every now and then. It’s human nature. Each of us desperately wants to feel ‘in on it’ and part of a bigger, unified whole. BUT I’ve seen so many people derive all of their style guidance from the fleeting trend cycle that often yields highly unpragmatic clothing and low quality shit, tbh.

This is because a lot of us want to participate in trends but don’t want to buy the $900 jelly shoes from The Row, so we drop $50-100 on some AWFULLY made ones from Zara, Jeffrey Campbell or god forbid, SheIn. And in our efforts to be valiant thrifters, we end up buying 12 different dupes, wasting money and time on pieces that are both trendy AND shit quality.

So, what you end up with, is a closet filled with clutter and short-term happiness.

TRENDS TO AVOID AS OF JUNE 2024:

• Mesh flats

• Trucker hats

• A lot of styles on clothing rental subscription services (Nuuly, Rent the Runway, StitchFix)

• Buying too many ‘hot’ items on The Real Real

• Raffia bags

• Floral everything

• Y2K everything

• Fast fashion reproductions (sports jerseys, graphic tees, shoes that are meant to look like a specific brand/type of shoe)

• Sambas (i’m soooo sorry, i’m just sick of seeing them)

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t participate in trends. Absolutely not. Trends can be fun! Trends become problematic when you start exclusively forming your style based on them and letting this transient cycle dictate your wardrobe. Be original! Trust yourself!

#6 YOU HAVEN’T ASSESSED YOUR STYLE IDENTITY… YET!

I cannot overstate the importance of understanding your style identity. Not for reasons of vanity but for the sole reason of understanding who you are.

I’ll probably write an entire newsletter on my journey; but I’ve found this experience of understanding my style identity incredibly profound and beneficial. Through experimenting, taking inspiration from others and creating, I’ve learned things about myself that I might not have never realized.

THINGS I’VE LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF THROUGH STYLE:

• I don’t need to be anyone else. I have a unique perspective, and I like who I am.

• Button-ups make me feel strong.

• The Tibi Creative Pragmatist philosophy changed my entire trajectory. Through this philosophy, I’ve learned that my style is class, modern and chill. My adjectives are risk-taker and retro. My antonym is preppy.

  • Here’s a breakdown of my favorite tibi girls ICYMI

• Frills make me feel out of my body.

• Interesting shoes make me feel confident.

• My style journey literally gave me the courage to leave my 9-5 and start my own creative consulting business.

If you’re feeling disconnected from your closet, take some dedicated time to assess your style identity. Shed any preconceived notions and think holistically about how you want to showcase who you are via clothes. And have fun with it!

A FEW DIFFERENT ROUTES TO FIGURING OUT YOUR STYLE IDENTITY:

• Tackle the tips in this newsletter. Seriously. I think they’re a great place to start. After you do that, start pulling references onto a Pinterest board. Save photos of people and images that prompt a visceral reaction. Diversify this approach. Go to a coffee shop or a park, take mental notes of people and outfits you see; Flip through magazines and add pictures of clippings to your board. Once you’ve saved a lot, sit down and analyze why you were drawn to the things you saved. Write those down and start experimenting.

• Find a brand or stylist that emulates a philosophy that speaks to you. I happen to think Tibi and their brand styling director Sarah Brody have a phenomenal framework, but that’s just what speaks to ME. Do some research and learn from others. Give yourself permission to explore and learn. All with the goal of knowing yourself better.

• Spend time in your closet. You may already resonate with what you own. You just don’t know how to compose an outfit that makes you feel good. If that’s the case, start by removing everything from your closet. Using your Pinterest references, start making outfits with the pieces you already own. Take pictures of those combinations. Then, neatly organize everything back into your closet, ridding of excess or items that don’t make you feel good. Then, when you go to get dressed, refer back to those reference photos. Continue assessing what you love and where the gaps are.

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Getting dressed should be a pleasant and inspiring experience. But I understand why it’s not for many people. At the heart of it all, women need to be given space to understand and trust themselves – free from the crushing expectations of others. Gaining even an ounce of this liberty could change everything.

xoxo

kw

PS: DM me if you want to chat about styling or brainstorm style things <3